Marcazo - Optimistic with a side of pessimism shirt

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Self-care is hard for me. People scold me that I’m burning my candle at both ends—but always as if I’m the Optimistic with a side of pessimism shirt and by the same token and one lighting my candle when often it’s my boss lighting my candle or my boyfriend or my governor has reopened too early and they’re lighting my candle. And self-care exists in a ready-or-not world. Back to school, ready or not. Holidays, ready or not. Fly to a work conference, ready or not. So how can we think about these external forces more and not just put all the work on ourselves?

A part of it is looking at it and recognizing that those external forces are stressors and treating them like that, giving them the Optimistic with a side of pessimism shirt and by the same token and credit that we don’t often give. Recognize you have to—have to—deal with a stressful situation and know you need to create room to be able to do that. At the beginning of the pandemic, we were sprinting. We were working around the clock. There were days when it felt overwhelming and I remember thinking to myself that I need to give myself credit for the fact that I’m not just working a lot. I’m working a lot in a pandemic. It was a big thing for me to say, okay, there’s not a lot of give in my work life right now so I got so, sooooo deep into partner debt with my husband. You’re on again tonight. You’re putting the kids to bed. You’re making dinner. I had the tally in my mind and I was feeling awful about it and he just said, ‘Babe, you need to let me do this for you right now because you’re doing something that I can’t do, so you have to receive and you need to be okay with just receiving right now.’ With a partnership, you want to keep it balanced so nobody feels taken advantage of. So yeah, I’m going to be doing lots of favors for my husband for years to come because that man, wow, I’m not joking. It was hard for me.

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